Greats, Hates and Failed Escapades

The year of “so-so”, that was 2013. 

With only a few real standout films and the usual horrible, horrible duds, the rest were just average. If cinema takings are down, the film studios only have themselves to blame. The scripts have been the problem and you can’t help wondering why some of the cable network AMC writers, who bring us amazing gems like “Breaking Bad” and “Mad Men”, can’t write for Hollywood, too. It’s also interesting to note that three of the eleven most bankable people in Hollywood (Brad Pitt, Will Smith and Johnny Depp) starred in three of my “worst” films, which happened to also bomb at the box office. So, a star does not guarantee a film’s success.

This year there was one absolute standout film. Alfonso Cuarón’s “Gravity” had people talking everywhere. It needed to be seen in the cinema and on IMAX if possible. The extremely realistic space scenes required an extension of the technology of filmmaking, and it had many of us almost believing they had found a way to film in space. 

The Marvel franchise continued on strongly with “Iron Man 3” (this year’s box office highest performer) following on linearly from 2012’s top box office earner “The Avengers”. Later in the year “Thor 2: The Dark World” followed on nicely with the next chapter of the series. It’s clear from the teasers embedded in the closing credits of Thor that these Marvel films are going to continue on for years or at least until they stop making loads of money. 

This is also the first year we have experienced life without any “Twilight films”. There have been a few contenders put up but no takers so far except for “Hunger Games” but it hasn’t reached the same level of hysteria as the vampire/werewolf/human love triangle.

What is amazing is that you can always count on the tried and true talents to still deliver great entertainment. We’re talking about Woody Allen with “Blue Jasmine,” Ben Stiller with “Secret Life of Walter Mitty” and Tom Hanks in “Captain Phillips” and “Saving Mr. Banks and Leonardo Di Caprio in “The Great Gatsby”.

Here’s my 2013 greats and hates:

GREATS

“Gravity”- A wild, exhilarating ride in which you won’t breathe until the credits come up. Bravo.

“Blue Jasmine” – Cate Blanchett is divine, and Woody Allen’s wry observation of human nature is again spot on.

“12 Years a Slave” – True life drama that will tear at your heart. My pick as the big winner during the awards season.

“Captain Phillips” – A terrifying, gritty story with Tom Hanks at the top of his game.

“Saving Mr. Banks” – Emma Thompson just eats up the role of Mary Poppins’ belligerent author. What a story!

“West of Memphis” – The finest documentary this year, and its proof that fact is stranger than fiction

“The Great Gatsby” – some loved it; some hated it. It was big, bold and beautiful.

“Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa” – Funniest comedy this year with the man of the moment, Steve Coogan.

“Thor 2: The Dark World" – There’s a bare chested Thor scene. It’s in top ten just for that, and the juicy Loki scenes.

“Secret Life of Walter Mitty” – Whimsical, wonderful and the most charming film this year.

“Frozen” – And I’ve snuck a number eleven in because I just saw it again and was reminded how wonderful it is. It really is the most beautiful animation this year and classic Disney, and I love Disney.

HATES

“The Counsellor”– A boring, arrogantly indulgent film. Easily the worst thing I’ve seen this year. After watching Cameron Diaz interact with a Ferrari, I need counselling.

“Night Train to Lisbon” – A dead-end train to nowhere interesting. It’s appalling in every aspect, from script, to acting, to story. Do not get on.

“Safe Haven” – Am I allowed to call a very popular romance woeful and ridiculous? Why yes I will.

“A Good Day to Die Hard” – How on earth did they come up with this terrible, unbelievable script? Leave “Die Hard” alone if this is the best you got.

“The Host” – Cashing in on Stephenie Meyer’s “Twilight” success with a poorly scripted science fiction mess was not a good idea.

“The Call” – This was meant to be a drama but our audience laughed through most of the 2^nd half.  The script never got passed the dial tone.

“After Earth” – Will Smith misguided vehicle for his son. “Inept” is the best word to describe this ridiculous, poorly acted, plot-hole riddled mess.

“The Lone Ranger” – Could have been good, should have been good, but in the end it was just a dumb idea. Johnny Depp can’t pull off feathers and white face paint.

“Runner Runner” – Ben Affleck what the heck? After last year’s fantastic “Argo”, you follow up with this lame drama. Still don’t understand the title.

“Diana” – Embarrassing grab for dollars from Diana fans. Naomi Watts with a bad hairdo plus speculative, limp love story = fail.

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Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1 -Twihard Fans ★ ★★ ★★ Me ★ ★

What hasn’t been written already about Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1? 

Instead of repeating everyone else, I am going to write in support of the Twihard fans even though I didn’t like the movie.  And no, I haven’t gone mad or plummeted in my cinema viewing expectations.

There are already a million reviews out there, as the second last chapter of the Twilight series drops into cinemas  with a thud louder than a werewolf knocking over a vampire.  So, this isn’t going to be an outline of the story  other than to say, there are vampires, werewolves and all is not well in the land of Twilight despite a lovely wedding.  If you don’t know the story of Twilight, then I presume you don’t have a computer or a Television and, therefore, wouldn’t even be reading this blog.  It’s a phenomenon and that is the supernatural truth of it.  Either you love the franchise or you don’t get it.  I’m not sure if there is much of an in-between.

Even poor reviews from the critics, the film receiving only 24% at Rotten Tomatoes—the lowest critic rating of all the Twilight films—won’t keep fans away.  One critic probably summed the movie up best with, ‘Slow, joyless, and loaded with unintentionally humorous moments, Breaking Dawn Part 1 may satisfy the Twilight faithful, but it's strictly for fans of the franchise.’

Regardless of critics, there are millions of fans very happy to part with their money to watch Bella and Edward marry and consummate their extended relationship.  And don’t forget there’s the ‘I’ve seen all the other ones, so I have to see this’ camp, of which I am a member.

I’ll be glad when the last one comes out and I’ve finished my tour of duty.  It really does seem to have gone on forever.  While the characters have forever—being immortal and all—we normal human moviegoers only have a few hours to kill and we’re lucky to get that these days with all the other distractions.  The average moviegoer would not generally indulge Breaking Dawn’s excruciatingly drawn out scenes.  In fact, the average moviegoer would not indulge any of the Twilight movies. 

Yet, here we still have a box-office hit that isn’t very good.  And, I must say, it’s not surprising it is not good, the books weren’t very good either.  They, too, suffered from long drawn out passages and poor writing.  I read them out of curiosity and because everyone told me I should.  I’m a writer by day, so anything that is that big, I need to check out.  I didn’t learn anything from reading them, except that when you capture the audiences imagination, nothing else matters.

There’s another commentary on Breaking Dawn that begins with the idea that this film is a rip off, a cheap grab by studios to milk the franchise for all its worth.  Ker-ching.  Ker-ching.  And it probably is.  You know what, I am going to come out and say, I don’t blame the studio.  I don’t think many of the first weekend viewers of Breaking Dawn will be asking for their money back, either.  They know exactly what they are in for when they hand over their money and they received exactly that. 

I love my blockbusters but my favourites this year have been small movies, most people wouldn’t bother to see—Barney’s Version, Take Shelter, and We Need To Talk About Kevin.  They all had beautifully crafted scripts with complex characters, portrayed by arguably the leading actors in Hollywood.  But nobody would rush to see these offerings.  There’s no vampires, virgins or beautiful young creatures floating across the screen in these films, just thought provoking ideas that stay with you long after you leave the cinema.

I’m not a Twilight fan but I am a fan of the movie industry.  If the Twihards are willing to come out, and hand over their money instead of pirating the film, thus allowing the studios to make the wonderful, but less record-breaking movies, then I say ‘good on them’. 

To the Twihards I say, Breaking Dawn isn’t as bad as the critics make out.  Go, enjoy it—and yes, Taylor Lautner does take off his shirt—and I thank you for throwing yourself on the fangs of Edward in support of the movie industry.  You are doing a good thing. 5 Stars for you.  2 for me.

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