Only one film that I’ve previewed opened this week and that was nothing to shout about. There’s only one I’ve seen opening next week, too, and that one is, well, nothing to shout about. So I’ve stuck the two together for this week’s reviews. Lets just call this the seven days of very bad film releases. Its disappointing viewing and enough to make me run screaming to my television set. Thank goodness for iinet FetchTV. I suggest reading a book this week.
(Movie Pick of the week-which is not an endorsement this week)
Transcendence ✪✪ ½
Opens in Australia: 24TH April 2014
USA: 18th April 2014 UK: 25thApril2014
Other Countries: Release Information
OUR THOUGHTS
Imagine you’ve enjoyed great success as the director of photography for some very popular films (Batman Begins trilogy, Moneyball, Inception). You’ve never directed before, but film industry luminaries like director Chris Nolan and producer Dan Mintz come to you to direct their latest sci-fi flick. They’ve even managed to get Johnny Depp on board, along with Morgan Freeman, Paul Bettany and have a good-sized budget. You’d think it was a slam-dunk, wouldn’t you?But, no, something goes horribly wrong, because you get some unknown scriptwriter, Jack Paglen, to create the story and leave you with, well, a bit of a mess. So you throw your hands up in there and sing la-la, la-la-la, lets hope they don’t notice that there are HUGE plot holes every ten minutes in the film.
Well we did notice, and we, also, noticed that you’ve copied a heck of a lot of other films, including parts of the TV series The Sara Connor Chronicles. Bad boys and bad work. It’s not totally a wash, but what we don’t like is that you thought we wouldn’t mind that you hadn’t thought it through and that when you couldn’t work out the ending, you just left it hanging there. We don’t mind you leaving it a little up in the air for us to ponder, but give us something to work with, will ya! For a film that’s about super intelligence, this certainly lacks, well… intelligence.
STUDIO BLURB
Sci-Fi Thriller. Dr. Will Caster (Johnny Depp) is the foremost researcher in the field of Artificial Intelligence, working to create a sentient machine that combines the collective intelligence of everything ever known with the full range of human emotions. His highly controversial experiments have made him famous, but they have also made him the prime target of anti-technology extremists who will do whatever it takes to stop him. However, in their attempt to destroy Will, they inadvertently become the catalyst for him to succeed-to be a participant in his own transcendence. For his wife Evelyn (Rebecca Hall) and best friend Max Waters (Paul Bettany), both fellow researchers, the question is not if they can...but if they should. Their worst fears are realized as Will's thirst for knowledge evolves into a seemingly omnipresent quest for power, to what end is unknown. The only thing that is becoming terrifyingly clear is there may be no way to stop him.(C) Warner
Fading Gigolo ✪ (It only gets this star for Woody Allen, he's great)
Opens in Australia: 1st May 2014
USA: 18th April 2014 UK: 23rd May 2014
Other Countries: Release Information
OUR THOUGHTS
Awful, boring, and utter rubbish! There, have I put you off seeing it. I hope so. Woody Allen Written and directed by, and starring in the lead role of a middle-aged, decidedly unattractive Don Juan, is John Turturrow. He really needs to stick to his acting job. Seriously, how far-fetched can you get with his character supposedly hired by Sofia Vergarra and Sharon Stone (looking absolutely stunning) to service them in the bedroom? Do you really think any character that looks like Vergarra would need to pay someone to sleep with her? Give me a break.
This is just an excuse for a middle-aged character actor to live out every man’s and a few women’s fantasy. Either do it with a bit of style or do it on your own time, Turturro. If you are tempted to see it, do wait for the DVD and then fast-forward to the Woody Allen bits. Or you could just hire Hannah and Her Sisters, Annie Hall or the more recent To Rome With Love. Just don’t go see this horrible thing at the cinema.
P.S. Its kind of ridiculous, too, that they've copied part of the poster from American Beauty for theirs. The films have zero in common. Zero! STUDIO BLURB
Fioravante decides to become a professional Don Juan as a way of making money to help his cash-strapped friend, Murray. With Murray acting as his "manager", the duo quickly finds themselves caught up in the crosscurrents of love and money. (C) Milennium
What have you seen this week? Did you find our comments helpful or do you disagree? Share your thoughts with us.
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